I'm a lot of things...inspired is a rare one.

Its rare that I get truly inspired by another person. In general...people are pretty uninspiring. Hilarious and wonderful yes...but not really inspiring lol.

Sometimes inspiration comes from the one person you didn't think it would...a semi stranger. Well, kind of. I work with her and hear about some day to day life tidbits...but I mean really...I couldn't tell you too much about her. She does have a blog on here and I like to read her stuff mainly because she writes so well. Everything flows and it ends up more like a story than a blog lol.

Her last one really inspired me though. Truly inspired me. From what I gather, we share similar but different beliefs concerning religion...but there was something very basic that really reminded me of something I never should have let slip away.

She reminded me to just be thankful. No matter what else is going on...no matter how bad things might be right now...there is still good happening. That no matter how many bills will have to wait to be paid...I've still got a loving fiance, my SUV, and my family. No matter what...I'll always have family and love. What else more do you honestly need right? I have a tendency to dwell on how CRAPPY things can truly get for me (us) and I never stop to think....someone really does have it worse than I do.

After reading my work-friend's blog...I was completely inspired to just take a step back...breathe...and be thankful for all that I actually do have. Especially at this time of year...I need to be seeing the glass half full...or else I'll spin myself into a depressive breakdown that will take months to recover from.

From the outside looking in...I'm sure no one would guess all of the troubles I'm having. Alas, they are definitely there. But why dwell on them. Is crying over the Ameren bill really going to make them take $45 off? Will screaming and yelling about rent make it magically be paid? No and NO....so why do it? Why get THAT stressed when in actuality...I still don't have as many bills as most. My car is paid, my medical insurance is paid for, and my car insurance is paid for. For most people...those are 3 HUGE financial burdens. Burdens I'm lucky enough not to have to deal with....at least not for now.

I have to learn that getting worked up over all of the bills wont get them paid. C'est la vie right? lol.

To end this (because I have to get back to work) I'll quote directly from my work-friends blog. I really couldn't say it better...so I wont try lol.

"I am rich with happiness and joy. I am rich with family and friends. I am rich in that I have already lived such a full and unbelievable life and I am still young. I am rich because I am finally coming to realize the reality of how wealthy I really am!"

I'm a lot of things...and I'm definitely excited for today!

I'm REALLY looking forward to today...

We get Asya today!!

Both of us are SO excited whenever we get to spend time with her. Shes so wonderful and such a funny little kid. Her laughs light up a room and can warm even the coldest of hearts.

I'm extra excited because we are doing Christmas with Asya today/night. After I get out of work we are heading straight to Mexico, MO so that we can do christmas with Jrs family. Normally, that would sound WONDERFUL. However, Jrs sister Heather is going to be there.

I can't stand the woman and I don't look forward to seeing her. She acts like she is the best Aunt in the world and that she is always spending money on Asya and spending hours playing with her. Um, well, she isn't and she doesn't. Not to toot my own horn but I'm the type of Aunt she says she is. I spend money, I lived with my nieces, I took care of them day in and day out. I know their fav colors, their allergies, the way they like to wear their hair fro cryin out loud lol. Heather can't tell me one thing about Asya, yet she acts like we should praise her for Aunt of the Year. I'm sorry but you have to be active to be a good Aunt. I know she doesn't live very close to Asya, but I don't live that close to my nieces either...and I still keep up with all their likes/dislikes.

ANYHOW...she bothers me and I don't feel like dwelling on her lol. I'm excited to see her get new things and play. I'm SO excited to do santa cookies with her and then do Santa on Sunday morning. Jr and I are in for a long night though lol. We have to set up a 54 some piece Pretend Play Kitchen lol. The burners light up and everything...woo woo. Not to mention we got stocking stuffers and all kinds of stuff. Hopefully she loves it all!

I'm in a really good mood today. Even aside from the Asya visit.

Candace and her crew made it down and I had so much fun. Just being able to laugh and joke and spend some time together. I never realize exactly how much I've missed people until I see them again. Tristan has gotten so big!! He's becoming such a funny little boy with a personality all his own lol. Trist developed a fondness for going up my stairs (the problem was coming down). This fondness however got him into BIG trouble. Candace said "If you don't get down from there I'm going to start counting to three. One...." and Trist promptly followed with "Two, Three". Needless to say all the adults broke out into hysterical laughter. Even though we shouldn't have...we had to laugh lol. Kids got good timing lol. I'm so glad that I got to spend time with them and love on my God Son.

Well, I was planning on writing more but my mind is in a million different places and I am at work lol. All for now...

A plus!

I'm a lot of things...artificially awake is one of them

Ahh. A snowy cold wintry morning..flurries still coming down, streets are silent (no school). At a time like this there's no better place to be than.....Work....right?

NOT.

What I would give to be home right now. I'm stuffy and possibly getting a cold, I'm keeping myself conscious by mainlining NOS, and I just don't feel like being at work lol.

I'd much rather be home, with my doggies, in my warm bed, watching bad daytime TV.

But, I'm here. At least today is my version of most others Friday. I have the next 2 days off...so I call this my Triday. Tuesday/Friday. It's actually a good day in the office...so far. Even Marcia cracked a joke...and it was funny...and it wasn't mean! Shes still a crazy bird.

In general though, today is turning out to be not too bad of a day. My check was slightly more than I thought it was going to be. (guess thats what not taking early release can get you). I figured out that our home phones actually are working (too bad the phones themselves don't....bet that I'm getting my money back) and so far, Candace and crew are still coming down tomorrow.

I'm actually in a Christmasy mood. Which is so refreshing because I LOVE Christmas!! I will trudge through the snow and deal with the ice...you know why? Cause to me it looks like Christmas. I feel like watching Love Actually when I get home....but I curse whoever stole it. Ugh...rude people.

Anyhow...so far today is going to be a good day....I really hope it stays this way too. I need a good one to boost my optimistic confidence.

Welp, I gotta post some Craigslist stuff for Celine...

A plus!

I'm a lot of things...and warm isn't one of them!

Oh my gosh!

IM FREEZING.

15 degrees and I just don't mix well.


Anyhow, I'm feeling A LOT better today. I got to talk to Krise and Candace last night (via IM..not great but still good) and Krise made me feel tons better! Then, Candace said she would come down and spend some time with me!! Yay! Candace and her crew will be down Tuesday night, that way I wont be working the whole time shes here.

Needless to say I'm doing much better. Candace will be here from the 16th to the morning of the 20th. Right about the time they leave, we will have Asya. That night we will go do Christmas with Jrs family and then who knows! All I know is that I've got family and friends keeping me busy till I get to go home and spend some much needed time with my mom, sister and nieces!

I do have to say that there are three people here in CoMO that keep me going...

Heather cracks me up. We can joke and laugh and talk about anything. I can't tell you how much faster she makes my day at work go by. If I had to spot Heather in a crowd I'd look for the pink zebra printed something or other that she has to have with her. Whether it be a wallet, purse, or yes, even her cell phone...shes always got somethin pink and somethin zebra. Not to mention she introduced me to El Jimador...I mean thats a great gift to give a friend lol. I can honestly say shes my favorite Heather lol.

Next would be Celine. She's the wonderful woman who took the time to teach me how to knit. She also was one of the first ones to talk to me when I started at textbooks. Shes truly genuine and one of the nicest people I know. Even through all this crap just talking to her for 15 minutes made me feel worlds better. I really can't thank her enough.

Last but not least is Porsha. This woman has more make up knowledge than most of the people who work at Max Factor. Porsha and Jr actually went to school together so I can actually use my Mexico, MO references and she gets them! She is so sweet and truly takes others feelings into consideration before doing something...trust me...I know. I appreciate her honesty more than anything.

Well...there are more that play a part in my CoMO life...but those are the highlights for now. More names will come with more HILARIOUS situations and stories. Such as Amaris stealing the accident victims gum lol, or Joel and his Marcia impression....

There are some wonderful things about CoMO...I just have to start seeing them again.

A plus!

I'm a lot of things...but this just isn't me.

I'm sure everyone, at one point or another, has just wanted to go home. To get away from things and just go home.

Well, I'm at that point.

I have a tendency to cut and run whenever I don't want to deal with a situation or a person. But what do you do when you have to deal with that situation/person almost every day? I would love nothing more but to cut and run right now, but unlike some people, I'm not made of money and I can't afford it.

I'm a talkative, caring, joking...kind of personality. For the last two days, I couldn't be farther from those things. I don't feel like talking really, I'm tired of caring about people that don't care about me, and I definitely don't feel like joking around with people that might be saying things behind my back.

I thought things were going to be different for me when I gave Columbia a 3rd chance. For a long time it was. Until now. I really thought I was going to be ok. That not everyone is fake and not everyone is judgmental. Slowly but surely I'm being proved wrong. That's not to say that I think everyone around me is fake, they aren't. Just some are. No matter if it were 1 or 5...it still upsets me that yet again, I've kidded myself into thinking things would be different.

I miss knowing who I could trust and who I couldn't. That comfort in knowing. Here though, I have to start all over. Home I know who to stay away from, I know who's a jerk. But here people have perfected putting on a mask of kindness. That more than anything makes me wary.

I do love aspects of being here, but there are so many things, people, that I'd rather just not deal with. Ever.

I miss my family and I miss having their support near me. I mean, I realize they can support me from miles away...but its not the same sometimes. I miss being able to go over to my sisters house and just joke and laugh and forget the problems the world outside of her doors. I miss being able to be at Moms and just having a conversation with her. I miss more than anything being able to vent to the people who I KNOW are there for me and understand me. People who I know wont stab me in the back, or talk behind it for that matter.

As you know I'm going through something right now that's really affected me, thrown me off my happy positive course. Normally, I'd just deal with it and move on. For some reason, its different this time. I can't just get over it. Maybe its because I have to stay and face it instead of cutting and running. Maybe its because its the first time I've had to spend the Holidays away from my family. Maybe its a lot of things. All I know is that I don't like feeling like this. I don't like the worry, the anger, the regret, the hurt. Most of all, I don't like the pessimistic view I have.

I'm the type of person that always tries to see the positive in any situation. Not in a naive, blind way, but in a more realistic "I'd rather be happy" way lol.

Maybe I will get it back after I spend some time with my family. Maybe I won't.

On a side note...I don't understand how people can be such a**holes. (Sorry for the language Amaris lol). I have been on both sides of the weight issue. I've been skinny, I've been heavy but I've never treated someone differently because of their weight. I think its the DUMBEST thing you can ever do. I understand people, friends, being concerned about their friends weight and possibly saying something. What I don't understand is how being too skinny or too big makes you less of a person. I understand the health issues for both sides, but health has nothing to do with people who choose to belittle under/over weight people. If you are so petty that you have to make fun of someone just because of their weight, then I guess all I have to say is....(Amaris don't read this) F**K OFF.

No one should have to be judged based on their skin color or their weight. What petty issues to judge someone for. What a little despicable person you must be. Did you not have enough friends growing up? I can only hope that someday you feel the judgment that you have placed on others. That will be your judgement day.

For now though, live in your ivory tower and stick your nose up. As my mom says "people with their noses stuck up better watch out for rain. any higher and they might drown.".

For now, I'll be counting the days till I can get away from you for awhile. I'll be counting the days till I can spend time with my family again...I'll be home for Christmas.

I'm a lot of things...

Hi there readers.

I usually don't blog but I think it might be healthy that I start lol. Right now I'm going through something very personal that has really shaken me up. I can't really begin to explain, and I don't really want to either. I get tired of thinking people are my "friends" when truly, they aren't. If you have something to say...stop being a d**k and find a NICE way to say something to my face. If you don't care that what you have to say may hurt my feelings then I don't really need to care what you have to say anyway right?

So I'm saying a big FU and just dealing with it and moving on. People are always going to be exactly how they are unless they put forth a concerted effort to change. I don't see this happening for some people.

I'm not going to let anyone tell me I'm not a good person, because there are too many people who say otherwise. People that I've known forever and people that I'm just getting to know.

I just have to learn to bottle it up and realize that not everyone that is nice is your friend.

Anyhow...aside from a depressing way to start my first post...I'm a pretty upbeat person.

Some facts about Me:

Status-
Engaged to my boyfriend of (almost) 3 years. Everyone calls him Jr, Joe, or J...real name is Joseph.

Children-
Jr has a little girl named Asya. Shes going to be 3 in March and shes amazing. Whenever she stays with us the house is a little brighter and we smile a little more. Watching her little personality develop has been the most wonderful thing. I will post some pictures so you can see her cuteness.

Siblings-
Not by birth. By birth I'm an only child. However, I've got a Krise. Shes my big sister as far as anyone is concerned. It's a long story how she got into my family but long story short I've known her since I was 4 years old. Shes the most amazing person and I don't know what I'd do without her. She and her 3 daughters (my nieces) moved in with my mom and I while I was in High School. Best birth control EVER. lol. Living with her little ones I learned all that I know about kids and I'd do anything for those little ones.

I've also got a best friend that I call a stister. Shes like a sister, but not lol. So shes a stister. Candace and I met in college through mutual friend and bonded fast. She actually grew up in a town thats only about an hour from where I did. Long story short we both ended up at Columbia College and had the most amazingly awful fantastic depressing wonderful time of our lives lol. We have had our ups and downs but we always remain friends. Just over a year ago she had a son (who I helped name). Tristan Mathew Lee. He is spoiled like no other...but hes Candaces little world and I love him to death. I even got named God Mother. Hey hey hey. About 6 months ago I had to help Candace out of one of the most difficult things she had ever faced. Adultery (her ex husband not her) and a divorce. Shes coming back from it and doing well. I still try to convince her to move to Columbia...but its a wait and see.

Parents-
My Parents were high school sweethearts. No really...they were. They started dating when they were 14/16. In 1974 they made it official and got married. 13 years later...they had me. May 11th 1996 was the last day I saw my Dad. I was 9 when he passed, but it still affects me to this day. My mom vowed to never re-marry. As she puts it "I've been there...and done that. He was my soul mate and you're supposed to marry your soul mate.". She has found someone to live out her life with. Life partners if you will. Andy is a great guy and I'm really happy that they have each other. (its taken me awhile to say that...pat on the back).

Friends-
I can't write about me, without writing about my friends. I've got home friends, new friends, work friends, old friends. All of which mean the world to me. Amidst all of the recent drama...I still have to trust that I know who is genuine and who isn't.

Erica is a best friend of mine. She is level headed and always has the best advice. We met when we were both on trips to Italy and Greece and stayed friends ever since. We come from different places and different situations but we are very much alike. I can't being to express how important she is....loves ya Erica!

There are so many more that I'd love to devote a paragraph to, but my fingers would cramp up before I get it all out lol. You all know who you are....and I love each of you!

Well, I'm not sure how much more you could even want to know about me...but if you keep reading then I'm sure more will be found out. I'll probably be posting more as my day goes on lol.

A plus!