and I'm Changing...like it or not.

Well, its interesting...

Have you ever sat back and looked at how much you've emotionally changed. Its not as easy to spot as your pants not fitting or your pony tail being longer. It sneaks up on you and WHAM...you realize it.

Sometimes this happens at the best of times...other times...it happens at the worst.

Right now I'm realizing that I've been prioritizing. Almost as natural instinct. Things that once mattered have faded into the background. Other issues I would ignore like the plague are now in the forefront and being tackled. My sister warned me this would happen. She tried to tell me around 22/23 I would grow up. Fully. I'd come to a fork in the road and I'd choose my path. So far, unknowingly, I've done just that.

My relationships were the first to change. Jr and I have finally settled into a pattern here. We don't get to see each other as much as we'd like...but we will make it. We always do. As for some family relationships...My sister has become INCREDIBLY important. Shes always been right there...but now I'm the age she was when we really started connecting again. It's hitting me. Shes such a wonderful person and talking to her, hanging out with her, makes me feel so much better. Makes me feel safe while all this changing and chaos is going on around me. To see her girls, my nieces, growing so fast scares the crap out of me...but its so interesting to watch them become young ladies. I miss them being little though. Hearing Angie play Barbies....Lilly playing dress up with her favorite Orange Sequined purse....Hailie and her "ponge bob pear pants". I'll miss them being little, but hopefully I'll have my own within the next few years. I might need a therapist when they start growing up too though lol. As for my mom and I. Well, I see a lot of her in me now. Not just physically...more of the protector...how she used to be when I was little. I've lived away from home since I was 18 (minus a year...) and I thought I was pretty apt to dealing with it. The older I get though, the more I miss home. The more I miss being near family. The more I realize, maybe Troy wasn't so bad after all. I always found immense comfort in friends...but now I'm finding it in my family too, for the first time in a long time.

Family isn't all thats changing though. Some friendships are in there too. I'm , for the first time ever, having a hard time deciding to move or not...based on leaving friends. Celine has become a very close friend. I've worked with her since August of last year and we bonded over a search for a pet friendly apartment/house. She's become someone I really go to for advice, help, a good laugh...a deep conversation. Shes an amazing person and REALLY reminds me of my sister. Both are the same age and have similar tastes. Even being at her house reminds me of my sister's lol. Celine in her own right though has the funniest personality lol. Shes been here for me when I've desperately needed her. Shes given me some of the best wedding contacts a soon to be bride could ask for!! She and Mike are so similar to Jr and I its crazy lol.

On a strange change front...I feel like I'm losing my best friend. We used to be almost inseparable. Now, we go days without so much as texting. When we do talk...I don't really recognize who I'm talking to. This isn't to say its her fault, or mine for that matter. We are just on separate paths. We both are going back to school...both have fiances...both have busy lives. Those busy lives leave little time to just hang around and chit chat...much less plan a visit. I never know when shes busy...or if we do get to talk for how long...Somewhere something changed. We're both growing...but we're growing away. We're missing important events in each others lives without blinking an eye...and thats not like us. We went from talking several times a day about anything under the sun....to rarely speaking...and even worse, not having anything to talk about. I don't want to lose my best friend...but if something doesn't change...we won't know each other by the time we get to the weddings we've worked so hard for.

With all these changes...I'm feeling scattered...and not like myself whatsoever. A song sums up my feelings better than I can...

I took my love and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life

Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too
Well...

Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older, too
Well I'm getting older too

So, take this love and take it down
Year and if you climb a mountain and ya turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well maybe