I'm a lot of things...and plus size is one.

Ok,

As much as I would LOVE to hide the fact...I'm plus size. I've been thinner (still about a 14) but I've been heavier too. I've seen both sides of the issue and you know what....its all POINTLESS.

Everyone jokes and says little things...hell, I've said things myself. The line gets crossed when the intent of the person saying it changes. When its not jokes, its not funny, its not meant to do anything but hurt. I have had to hear the whispers and deal with the insults and the ridicule.

All of this media press about Jessica Simpsons weight gain has really pissed me off. OK, so she gained some weight. I didn't like her when she was itty bitty...I still don't like her now. But you know what? I'm not the kind of person to call her a fat ass. The only time I take pleasure in other peoples weight gain is when they made a point to make fun of plus size people when they were thin. Thats called karma.

I really hate how everyone is so content to just let this be. That "the insults will always be there". Ok, you know what....yea they probably will be. But you don't have to condone it. You don't have to agree with it, you don't have to participate, and you don't have to turn a blind eye when you see/hear it happening to someone around you.

I guess what I'm really asking is....why say things to make someone elses life hell? Why scrutinize? Why insult? Why belittle? Why judge based on someones pant size? Does it really make them a bad person? Does it mean that they are rude to everyone? Does being plus size make you dumb?

I'm working to make myself healthier. I want to be healthier....not a sick.

It just hurts sometimes to realize how alone on this side of the weight issue you really are.

I'm a lot of things...and frustrated is one

I'm ****in frustrated right now, seriously.


I'm SO tired of my plans getting screwed. I hardly ever get to see my family OR my OOT friends. Whenever I plan to see them....what happens? SOMETHING gets totally screwed up.

I wish that I didn't work and could go and do as I please...but then I'd be broke and that would just end up being worse. Still though, I just wish that I had done a lot of things differently. Instead of seemingly picking the most difficult path to go down.

I wish I had stayed my ass in school for starters. Had I done that, I'd either be A.) Graduated by now or B.) Graduating in a few months.

Right now I'm just in a bad mood and I'm thinking about all that's gone wrong (or not according to my plans) and all that I've done wrong. Just simple decisions that I regret. Going left instead of right, saying no when I should have said yes....giving up instead of sticking with it....

I'm just feeling so down right now. So mad....so just generally pissed off. I just want to feel like I've made the right choice and its not going to come back to bite me.

I guess for now I just have to stay positive and work on getting to where I need to be. I've got a good job that doesn't pay too shabby. I've got a lot to look forward to and I just hope I make better decisions this time around.